Thursday, May 27, 2010

Full Moon Socials

For those of you that follow your lunar calendar religiously you will already know that tonight, May 27th, 2010 is a Full Moon.

Being that the Moon is on the opposite side of the Earth as compared to the sun. We will be celebrating by wearing wolf t's, enjoy the company of the pack and socializing.

Tonight we will be converging on Blue Mountain Brewery. Please join us...and don't forget your shirt.

-One Man. One Moon.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Videos you need to watch: 1st Edition

Auto-tuned wolves.

Things that would be awesome. A musical t-shirt with this song on it.
-One Man. One Moon.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Guest Column: To Moon or Not To Moon? That is the question

A startling trend has started to gain speed in the wolf t-shirt world, wolf t-shirts without a moon.

I am a reasonable man, but come on a wolf t-shirt with no moon?! What's next, club shirts without giant air-brushed anime characters?

I could go on and on all day about how stupid moonless wolf t-shirts are, but I think it is a better use of all of our time if I would present my thesis on why wolf t-shirts with moons are vastly superior to those without moons.

I will break down my argument into three areas.
  1. Demeanor of the subjects
  2. Wearability of the garment
  3. Owners of the shirts
Before I being it should be known that while I will not actually site any research on this subject, that I could if I had wanted too. There really is no point because this is such a one-sided argument. It's like having a discussion on what is better a bacon cheese burger or a regular cheese burger. No one (outside of maybe a French dude) would even bother talking about this. Now if you are saying, 'You didn't say which one is better,' then you, my friend, need to stop reading this right now.

1. Demeanor of the subjects: For the laymen out there this means how cool are the wolves on the t-shirt in question. I could spend all day writing a bunch of of fancy words, but this is America and we have pictures and they are worth a thousand wards (incase that isn't a enough I have added captions).

Wolf T-shirts with Moon

Exhibit A:

Look at this bad mama-jama. He is like 'What's up, I'm just gonna chill here for a while...and did I mention that I frickin' glow!'

Exhibit B:

Look at these dudes. They are like 'Yeah I am standing on a rock, a bitchin' rock!

Exhibit C:

Moon t-shirts wolves have mad game. This guy is all like 'Mmmm baby your hair smells so nice, almost as nice as that moose carcass I was rolling in last week.' All I'm saying is someone ain't calling her for breakfast, no that smooth operator is nudgin' her.

Moon-less Wolf T-shirts
Exhibit D:

Please these tools are all like 'What do you wanna do tonight?' 'I don't know why don't we just stand here like a couple of assholes?'

Exhibit E:

Yup, you are seeing that right. These two turds are smelling that other turd's fart.

Exhibit F:

No doubt, this boners favorite books is Twilight, and it's not because there are werewolves in the book. He's just sad that there aren't any more books in the series. Sissy.

So there we have it, wolves on moon t-shirts are awesome. Wolves on moon-less t-shirts smell farts and read girl books.

Moon - 1
Moon-less - 0

2. Wearability of the Garment:

Would you wear this? I feel silly even asking such a question. Of course you would. Everyone would.

Would you wear this? Of course not. If i even saw someone in this shirt I would slap them, then I would slap their get the point.

No contest, moon t-shirts in a walk.
Moon - 2
Moon-less - 0

3. Owners of the Shirts: Wearers of Moon T-shirts v. Wearers of Moon-less T-shirts

I used a high-tech super computer (and by that I mean my mind) to run a program that determines the typical individual who would wear the collected wolf t-shirts with a moon and the moon-less t-shirts used in this study. Here are the results.

Wolf t-shirts with Moons:

Moon-less Wolf T-shirts:

No contest.

Final Score:
Moon: 3
Moon-less: 0

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Why I love Wolf T-shirts? *Part 3 of 3*

This entry is about beginnings and endings. It's also about life and trying to gain a greater understanding of why it is we are here on this Earth. It's an ending of my story. My story of wolf t-shirt conversion. It's also a beginning. A beginning of a new chapter of my life. A chapter where I acknowledge all parts of myself. It's also an entry about understanding. Wolf t-shirts have helped me learn what life is about and the fate that we sometimes have to accept when we live in this world.

As I returned from Scotland and Ireland I was starting a new job in Virginia. I began the process of moving into my new house and driving my belongings from my dad's house in Missouri where I had dropped my belongings before my travels. In some ways I was a new and better person. I had finally begun to accept the wolven part of my personality. In other ways I was in a state of flux. New house, new job, new lifestyle. When I first arrived in Virginia I continued in my denials of wolf 't' love.

It wasn't until I took a trip to the Virginia State Fair that I fully realized that I had to accept my fate. As humans we constantly try and fight those things that we are fated for. My parents named me Darius after the Darius I (King of Persia). My middle name is Philip for Philip II, King of Macedonia and father of Alexander the Great.

The above photo most aptly shows the characteristics and important parts of each of our beings. Darius I ascended the Persian throne through assassination. He claimed the throne and created a new monetary system, supported freedom of religion, but also lost the Battle of Marathon. Philip II is not well known for what he did, but he sired the world's greatest general. Alexander the Great. He was fated not to be great, but to put forth and father one of the greatest men in the history of the world. As you can tell from my parents choice of name, I too am destined for greatness. For the longest time I wanted to choose my fate I wanted to grasp my heart's desire and mold the world to my will. I quickly realized that this is not possible, I have to realize that there are certain innate parts about me that will pull out my greatness. The one part that I denied for so long, is my greatness. My love, devotion and consideration of wolf t-shirts.

The Virginia State Fair can most aptly be described by deep fried snickers bars and The Zipper. If you have never been, then I must sincerely apologize to you for being 'oh, so lame'. Deep fried snickers bars are easy to comprehend and understand. Hot fatty chocolate grease. Or HFCG for short. The Zipper on the other hand is completely ridiculous. I've attached an image that will hopefully illustrate the death contraption. Basically you are strapped into a metal cage that spins 360 degrees, once you are put in this cage The Zipper spins moves you up, down and then spins you around until you throw-up streams of rainbow vomit.

We were making our way around the fair. Riding rides. Eating food. Admiring the beautiful and wonderfully gorgeous people. As we were walking around we noticed dozens upon dozens of American flag t-shirts. I mentioned this to some friends and came upon the topic of wolf t-shirts. My friends immediately said they could see me wearing a wolf t-shirt. I finally realized it was time. It was time for me to buy a wolf t-shirt.

I went home and on October 2nd, 2009 I bought Three Wolf moon. I've attached part of the Amazon receipt that I received:
Delivery estimate: October 7, 2009 - October 8, 2009
1 "Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt - Black (Medium)"
Apparel; $16.49
I was still unsure of my purchase. I wasn't sure if my friends would respect me, or even hang out with me. I then sat down and penned the following message to let a large group of my friends know that I had finally purchased a wolf shirt.


Being that you are all important dudes in my life I feel the need to share this with you. After much consideration, soul searching and discussion with friends I have made an important decision. This is something that I have been running from for too long. You all have seen this as obvious connection for a long time. I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to realize how my personality is inextricably linked to this. It wasn't really until Simmons and I had some discussions in Ireland that I realized the importance of this thing. As Simmons can attest, while talking with random English men this topic came up. It even came up as I walked around the Virginia State Fair with Jimmie, Harrison, Lautzy and Davis. I'm different, people realize it, but that's okay. Even more recently in talking with Ander I have come to the conclusion that I can no longer deny this part of me. I realize that I have been incredibly vague up to this point, but it's because I need your support on this and ask that you still consider me to be a friend.

I went online today and ordered a wolf t-shirt. I will no longer be the man that denies the fact that I truly love these shirts. They are a part of my being, my soul, my natural self. I don't care if I get made fun of. I don't care if they are ridiculous. They are freakin' awesome. I hope they have American flags. I hope they howl at the moon. I hope that people look at me and say 'holy shit, that guy has a wolf t-shirt'...mainly because I already know my response. Hooowww's it going? I have a new mission in life, at least a partial mission, to make wolf t-shirts legitimately cool. I'm a Wolverhampton soccer fan and I will wear wolf t-shirts in public. I ask that you continue to hang out with me and of course, forward me any excellent t-shirts you find.

As you can tell it was a challenging email to write. I wanted to be myself. I was no longer going to fight. I was accepting my fate. I received several emails of support and really the rest is history. As I reopened this part of my life I began to remember more instances in my life where wolves had a strong impact in my growth and development. That, of course, is yet another story. Irregardless, I had made the leap of faith. Trusting in myself and my friends I had decided that it was time to accept my fate. Philip II's fate was to give rise to the world's greatest general in Alexander the Great. Darius I loss at Marathon showed the Athenians that Persians were not invincible. That defeat doesn't erase his accomplishments, his moves towards religious freedom and tolerance. I thought that my destiny was politics, or academia. I have realized that my destiny is wolf t-shirts. My destiny is inextricably linked with the wolves that howl at the moon, wolves that are back-dropped with American flags and much much more. I'm neither angry nor saddened by my fate. Rather emboldened. Invigorated that I have a new purpose in life.

-One Man. One Moon.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Wolf T-shirt Sightings : A Lesson in Eternal Vigilance

There are many things that wolves can teach us. One of those things is eternal vigilance. Failing to recognize the prey's scent. Mistiming a jump to rip out the jugular of a terrified elk. These are just several examples of little mistakes that can hurt a wolf's chance at survival. They must be eternally vigilant of their surroundings and further aware of their needs in life.

We need to do the same. That means noticing changes. 2 things on this website.
1. The Survey. My goal is to post one every week. This week is obviously 'What is your Favorite 'Three Wolf Moon' shirt? The pictures of the contestants are right below the header of the blog. Check them out and vote.
2. Wolf T-shirt Sightings. If you didn't notice this then let this be a lesson in heightening your senses. Clear that nose. Open those eyes. It's on the toolbar on the 'right'. The more important part about this is that for me to post pictures you will need to send them in. That means you can't attempt to be eternally vigilant when you are reading this blog, you have to be eternally vigilant at all times. You never know when you will see a wolf t-shirt. Keep an eye out and your hand on your camera. Take those photos and send them this way. We will also accept photos of friends and family.

To help provide a more objective way to judge submitted photos I went ahead and consulted with some Wolf T-shirt experts (myself) and came up with the following 100 point grading scale.

Wolf shirt quality: (0-10)
Originality: (0-10)
Luminosity: (0-10)
Veritas: (0-10)
Ecosystem: (0-10)
Sentience: (0-10)

How many wolf shirts?: (0-10)
Ordnance: (0-10)
Wildness: (0-10)
Lupine-like: (0-10)

To give you a better idea of how WOLVES HOWL works I'll give you a short description of each category.

Wolf shirt quality: This one is simple. How awesome is the shirt that they are wearing? Is it so terrifying that it will make small children cry? Will women be clamoring at your door when you put this thing on?

Originality: Looking at the whole photo on this one. Shirt. As well as what the people are doing in the picture. Is there a good pose? Was it clear that you had to be stealthy in taking the photo?

Luminosity: Does the photo shed light on how wolf t's affect our lives? Does it illuminate the phenomenon and why it is so vital and important to the human existence.

Veritas: How truthful are those in the photo. Is this a joke to them? Or are they serious. I don't like people who joke, and I certainly don't like when people joke about wolf t's.

Ecosystem: Where is the photo taken? Is it a bad ass environment? Are they in front of a famous building? Are they standing next to Barack Obama?

Sentience: Wolves are animals too. Does the photographer or the subject matter attempt to connect with the fact that wolves have emotions too?

How many shirts are there: Not hard. The more shirts. The more points.

Ordnance: Yes. Like ammunition. Can the photo be used to further the cause? Will it help promote wolf t-shirts and put more shirts out in the market.

Wildness: What are they doing in the picture? Are they being serious? Are they showing us other accessories and attributes that makes us realize that they are awesome?

Lupine-like: How close do they resemble or try to resembles wolves?

Stay vigilant pack brothers and sisters. Oh yeah, and don't forget to send those photos to Be sure to check out the Wolf T-shirt sighting page as their is already one posted and rated.

-One Man. One Moon.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Why I Love Wolf T-shirts? *Part 2 of 3*

To say that I lived two years free from wolves and the t-shirts that they occupy would be a lie. It would be far more appropriate to say that I lived two years in denial. If I were to provide full disclosure I would actually acknowledge that I have denied my life of wolves for 12 years. As a 24-year old that means that half of my life has been spent in denial. Half of my life ignoring one of the things that is near and dear to my soul. The one truth in this story is that I tried to forget. I tried to close out the 'Most Likely to Wear a Wolf T-shirt' part of my life. I realize now that I was wrong, but we're still not to that point in the story yet.

South Dakota put me back on the road to recovery. I had finished two years as a teacher. I'd spent my evenings running by herds of deer and my weekends driving by herds of buffalo, elk and antelope on my way up to Rapid City and the Black Hills. On this particular weekend I had gone hiking in the Black Hills just off of the Needles Highway. The Needles is known for it's curvy roads and granite outcroppings, but that has absolutely nothing to do with moving this story forward. So here's a picture.

As for the story, my friend Loy and I were driving back from The Needles and passed through Hill City which is just outside Rapid City. Notice. There is a pattern in how they name their population centers. Action/Outdoorsy word City (and people thought Sarah Palin was original with children's names.) This is actually a false observation, not that Sarah Palin gives her children less than normal names, but rather that South Dakota actually names its towns after less than commonly used male names.

In no particular order you have: Allen, Kyle, Philip, Martin, Mitchell, Gregory, Harrold, Clark, Howard and Brandon. I, of course, would be remiss if I didn't mention their English Boarding school friends: Champberlain, Langford, Wilmot and Webster. As always there is one annoying French kid who is hated by everyone else. His name is Pierre. Check your 4th grade state capital knowledge if that doesn't make sense. If you haven't noticed my authorial focus is less than stellar. Think of it as if you are reading the actual thoughts of someone with severe ADHD. Jumping from point to point. I'll get to the story eventually, just enjoy the ride until we get there.

As I was saying, we were driving through the non-male named Hill City and we were struck with the mood to stop at one of the hilarious gift shops along the way. When I say hilarious I need simply to let you knot that the Sturgis Bike Rally takes place les than an hour away. There are wolf t's galore, leather articles of clothing (read: assless chaps), stupid inspirational posters with pictures of a tiny tree that says 'Determination: Growing strong in the face of big business' and much much more. While I had been exposed to South Dakota wolf hats and had even purchased some for friends in the previous year, the force and strength of the wolf t's had not affected me since I had left Virginia.

I decided it was time to have my revenge. I had discovered who had made the 'write-in'. None other than my friend A.W. Simmons. Lucky for me, him and I had planned a Thistle and Shamrock trip to Ireland and Scotland to tour the Irish countryside and hike the West Highland Way in Scotland. We were going to end with a summit of Ben Nevis (tallest peak in the UK). My plan was perfect. I would buy him an orange wolf shirt. Complete with three wolves, forested background, eagle flying in the sky and Native American totems along the side. It was more then good. It was perfect. I'd drive it back to Virginia. Fly it across the Atlantic. Pack it across Ireland. Carry it 100 miles up, over, around and through the Scottish highlands and present it to him on the summit of Ben Nevis. There was no way he could refuse. I would buy myself a animal tee, but not a wolf shirt. The glory would be in making him wear a wolf shirt while basking on a mountain peak with a two green eyed mountain lions gracing the contours of my more than chiseled pectoral and abdominal musculature. I would then shake my fists in vigor as the tables had turned and would point my finger at Simmons doing my best impression of a combined Wario/Quagmire laugh. Geh. Geh. Geh. Look who's wearing a wolf tee now Simmons.

All was in order. Bags packed. Tickets printed. Copy of Twilight in hand for in-flight reading (Twilight thing isn't a joke. Shit is a legit. Don't worry we'll get to Jacob later. Kid is a baller.) Most important I had the shirts. I'd even managed to sneak a peak to some mutual friends who approved of the plan. Sweet sweet revenge. I could taste it.

The trip was playing like a record.

1. Plane takes off.

2. Plane lands.

3. Pick up rental car.

4. Tour Dublin.

5. Drink a Guinness. (If you go to Dublin, go to St. James Gate =

6. Drive to Cork.

7. Tour Jameson factory.

8. Make out with Blarney Stone.

9. Drive to Bed and Breakfast.

10. Eat dinner.

11. Visit first country Irish bar.

Then the record skipped. When I say skipped it would probably be better to say the machine exploded, threw the record into oblivion, but that would be overly dramatic. At this little Irish pub called Ada's we met Patrick O'Mahony. Patrick was an englishman who lived in Ireland as he was married to lady who lived outside of Cork. He was a huge football (soccer) fan. Luckily, this was something that we were able to communicate about. He talked about the USA's chance at the upcoming World Cup and I knew enough famous soccer names to not sound like a complete idiot. It also earned us a Bulmer's or two. Then it happened. He asked if I had a Premiership Team that. Now I know that Chelsea and Man U are good. I even had a friend play for the Chelsea Ladies team. I also have numerous friends who root for Tottenham Hotspurs. Looking back, I very easily could have said any of these teams and ended it there. I, of course, didn't. Patrick proceeds to convince me to be a Wolverhampton Wanderers fan. As this conversation is taking place and I tell Patrick that I will be a Wolverhampton fan and will support them through and through. We began talking more about the Wolves, as they are more commonly known. Meanwhile, A.W. Simmons is snickering to himself. His snickering grows to uproarious laughter as he points at me and says. Geh! Geh! Geh! You just became a Wolves fan.

Shit. 'Most Likely to Wear a Wolf T-shirt'. Committed Wolverhampton fan. I could no longer escape. My revenge was foiled, as Simmons rightly turned down the shirt. I again moved to my previous denial tactic, but even I knew that it would no longer work. I was forced to start thinking seriously about what part wolves and the shirts that they so gracefully caress would play in life. There are those times in life when we are unsure of ourselves. Unsure of our strengths, unsure of where we are going. It's like we are Wanderers in vast world. This was one of those times. I didn't know where I was going with life. I didn't even know what I was good at. Throw in the fact that I was going it alone and it's not surprising that I was lost upon my return to Virginia...

*Proof of our tiny rental car, our visit to St. James Gate and the Summit of Ben Nevis

-One Man. One Moon.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Why I Love Wolf T-shirts? *Part 1 of 3*

The story of my love for wolf t's doesn't have the most beautiful of beginnings. But it is a story that must be told nonetheless. I was in my 4th year of college and about to graduate. I was finishing up a distinguished majors program, I was in a fraternity, I was finishing up my term in student government, I was an RA, I gave tours to high school students interested in coming to my University. I even had post college plans. I was on my way out to South Dakota to become a teacher through the Teach For America program. I had it all. At least I thought I did. I thought I would be remembered for all of the great and wonderful things that I did. My intellectual capability in the classroom, serving as President of the student body. I thought people would remember my moving speeches, my cunning wit, my athletic prowess on the intramural frisbee field. 3-time fraternity champion. Never lost a game. Well, there was that one. But they cheated and played with club frisbee players, a clear violation of athletic policy.

I was wrong about why I would be remembered. The worst part was that I didn't realize that I was wrong until my last days of college. I wasn't remembered for anything I'd done, anything I accomplished. Instead, I was remembered for what I ignored for that part of me that I denied. That part of me that others saw as inherent.

I remember the moment vividly. We were having a barbeque at McIntire Park with my fraternity. It was a send off. We would gather with one another and enjoy one last meal before sending the 4th years out into the world. We would laugh and recall stories of one another. At one point, the Brotherhood Chair would get up and read a list of superlatives. There was a broad range of categories:

Most athletic: (clearly should have been me)

Best sense of humor: (not me)

Most likely not to have done laundry: (definitely not me)

Best dressed: (not me)

Worst dressed: (obviously not me)

Most respected: (not me)

Strongest with the force: (surprisingly not me)

As you can see, I won none of these. Not even the bad ones. The only superlative that I won was a write-in. I suppose I should have seen this coming. The year before the only thing that I won was 'Most Likely to Wear Jorts'

My 'jorts victory' was accompanied by nothing more than jeers and a cut off pair of tight pants. Mind you that this was in 2007, so tight pants were not yet cool. But I digress, I should have seen the write-in coming. The jorts from the previous years, the jokes my friends had been making up during the preceding months. They were all signs for what was to come. My friends always 'kidded' that I loved wearing American flag t-shirts. Anything from GAP, or the Great American Public as they called it. T-shirts with American Flags. Fireworks. Wearing socks with sandals. Cargo shorts. These were the things they said defined me. I always pushed back. Tried to fit in. I'd make sure to buy pants with pleats. Not just 1 pleat, but sometimes 2 or even 3. I made sure that at least some of my shirts garnered the cherished 'Man playing Polo on a Horse' or 'Alligator'. That would show 'em.

Either way, I should tell you of the 'write-in' superlative. The only one that I won was 'MOST LIKELY TO WEAR A WOLF T-SHIRT.' Riddikulus. My friend was instantly turned into an awkward version of Professor Snape wearing jorts and an American flag wolf t-shirt.

After he morphed back into his normal body form. I was met with most sincere set of laughs I have ever heard. It's like everyone actually believed that I was the Most Likely to Wear a Wolf T-shirt.

I followed my usual 3 steps:
(1) Admit nothing.
(2) Deny everything.
(3) Immediately start making counter accusations.

"Me. I don't wear wolf t-shirts. I wouldn't be caught dead with that furry little creature on a shirt of mine. Please. All of my shirts have collars, and starched collars at that. You're the one who is most likely to wear a wolf t-shirt. I've seen the clothes your mother buys you. 'I recycle.' 'Save the whales.' You're the one that sounds like a tree hugger. I'd be more likely to go out and kill a wolf. Yeah, eat this nature!"

My denials only brought more laughter. It's like struggling in quick sand, as all 'cool and tough' guys can relate, the harder you fight the more that it sucks you in. The harder I tried to deny my 'superlative' the more they laughed and argued that it was an inevitable part of my life, my being. I did the only thing that I could do. I left Virginia and drove west. I drove over 1,500 miles away. Passing through West Virginia, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, Nebraska and finally stopping in South Dakota. Each state was like lifting a weight off of my shoulders. Taking away those laughs and the thoughts of wolves on t-shirt. I spent two years in South Dakota as a teacher. Two years away from my friends. Two years away from my family. I'd forgotten that wolf t-shirts existed. I thought that I was free...

-One Man. One Moon.